Friday, March 28, 2008


Brene must be a mind-reader. Because this post she wrote...this honest, gut-wrenching, completely raw post is exactly my life right now. I am bluer than blue. Praying desperately for a way to climb out of the pit. Hanging on by a thread. Crying at the drop of a hat. Unable to find my smile.

I love Brene's truth. And, I love how she's not afraid to be real.

I love people who can be real.

And, Brene, if it's remotely comforting at are not alone. I'm right there with ya.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Down and Out

I can't remember the last time I have been this sick. About 2 hours after I said good-bye to Kirby, my body fell victim to some sort of "flu-walking pneumonia-type" illness that manifested itself with almost every symptom imaginable (except vomiting, thank goodness). Fever? Check. Deep, hacking cough? Check. Body aches? Check. Skin that felt pain when touched? Double check. I've been in bed for most of the last 5 days...thanking God that Animesh had already planned on being off this Spring Break. He assumed full-time Daddy duty very nicely...but some of our outdoor fun never happened.

I managed to pump myself full of all of the above drugs so that one afternoon we could enjoy an adorable movie with an important message (a person's a person no matter HOW small). We also took in High School Musical: The Ice Tour.

Today, of course, Easter eggs had to be dyed. I crawled out of bed long enough to take some shots of their masterpieces.

Animesh picked up Kirby's cremated remains this morning at the vet. We had received such nice notes from the vet and from Paws in Heaven...who did the cremating. They even hand-signed a card and included it with Kirby.

One of my bloggy friends suggested writing notes to Kirby and sending them to heaven in balloons. We did just that. When we ask Trevor where Kirby is now, he replies, "in heaven...licking God and Jesus' face." This is probably true. Kirby was a lover...not a fighter. He loved to give kisses.

The kids watched in amazement as their notes & pictures floated to Kirby "heaven."

Afterwards, Kirby's ashes were sprinkled in his favorite place...outside in our backyard. He never did like to be inside much.

This is Spridle, our other beagle. I think he's lonely. Animesh disagrees. Regardless, this dog has seen more treats, affection, attention, and freedom than he's had in years. You could say we're overcompensating just a tad since we lost Kirby.

I love Easter lilys. They represent new beginnings and fresh starts...exactly what Easter means to me.

We wish you a beautiful Easter.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Saying Goodbye

Photo is from 9 years ago. Big brother Spridle uses baby Kirby as a headrest. It is my absolute favorite picture of the two of them. Ever.

This photo was taken only 2 weeks ago.

This afternoon, at 12:53pm, I held one of my precious beagles, Kirby, at the vet while the doctor administered a lethal dose of medicine that ended Kirby's life and tremendous suffering.

Kirby had been sick for almost a year, so we felt so blessed that God kept Kirby with us for this long following such a tough illness. Yesterday Animesh took Kirby to the doctor to stay the night...knowing already that the prognosis wouldn't be good. When the vet called this morning to deliver the bad news following some grim lab results, well, we knew what we had to do to put Kirby out of his misery.

As God had it planned already, my mom was watching the kids all day. Animesh had to stay home with some home improvement guys. And, I insisted on going alone to bid our sweet Kirby a "see ya later til the next life." I needed the closure.

Before the procedure, I spent a few minutes alone with Kirby as he struggled to breathe. I sobbed uncontrollably...soaking his soft, black fur...apologizing for swatting him when he would try and eat off the kids' little table...thanking him for being such a loving pet to our children...telling him that we hoped we hadn't done anything to prolong his treatment that had caused him to get so sick. Yes, my "mother guilt" even extends to our dogs.

The compassionate doctor entered the room, hugged me and let me cry a few minutes, and then told me to hold Kirby and soothe him while the drugs were given. As I watched Kirby draw his last breath, I lost control. It was unbearable. I think I cried for every loss I had ever experienced in my lifetime. Never in my life had I experienced something so tremendously painful.

As I drove home in a wild thunderstorm today, it got me thinking about saying goodbye. Since God created the world people have been saying goodbye to loved ones and pets due to death. Often times, we say goodbye to people in our lives as a mere parting of ways. Regardless, today's agonizing experience taught me that closure for all involved is so important in order for the healing process to begin. For those we lose to death, there are funerals and memorials where we can say, "I'll see you again someday in heaven." If life calls people in different directions, closure could mean a touch on the shoulder, a hug, or a kiss on the cheek while whispering, "I'm so grateful you were a part of my life...if only for a while. You touched me deeply." I'm a girl who needs her closure.

I need to believe that Kirby, while in complete misery, felt my presence and was somewhat comforted by having me hold him as he passed on from this life.

And, that's enough closure for me. But, it won't keep the tears from welling up in my eyes. That's gonna take some time.

Kirby-Derby, we will miss you more than you know.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

The Simple Things

Just today (at yet another Chuck E. Cheese birthday party) I was discussing with another parent how most of us moms and dads try to entertain our children with over-the-top bashes, fancy outings, and lots of fanfare and hoopla. Oh, yeah, I fall victim to that, as well.

And, while we love Sea World and bouncy castles just as much as the next family, sometimes it's the simple things in life that can bring the most joy. We have passed a certain park almost daily for the last 7 months...and Friday we finally stopped to enjoy a kick-off to our low-key Spring Break.

I cannot even begin to describe to you how much pleasure the 3 little Indians experienced for that 1 1/2 hours (it was HOT!). It was a much needed reminder for me that while life can be complicated, complex, and hard to understand at's the simple things that often provide us with much needed perspective. Like time spent on a glorious, sunny day at an old-fashioned park.

You can click on the image for a larger view...

It's amazing how "monkeying" around on the monkey bars can make you forget all your troubles...if only for a little while.

Friday, March 14, 2008

I Love Jesus But I Drink a Little

This has to be one of the funniest clips I have ever seen--I know, I know. I said that about this (which is pretty darn hilarious, too). But this one? It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling I've been missing lately. Got the link from Maile. It's been one heck of a hard week for deeply personal ways. But, these 6 minutes cheered me up in a way I certainly needed.

As did our afternoon at the park. Pictures to follow soon.

And, Gladys? From one Texas girl to another---I love Jesus and I drink a little, too. Ya know...just to thin the blood. :-)

Monday, March 10, 2008

Movin' On

"The Weekend That Never Happened" is now officially over. I'm done moping about my canceled trip to San Fran and ready to begin the week afresh. I woke up this morning with a "bring on the day" attitude...and the day certainly brought it on. By 8am I had covered my daughter in rain gear from head to toe to backpack (much needed rain has arrived!), done the dishes, cleaned up my son's throw up (I don't think I'll ever eat pancakes again), and bathed both boys. Quite a morning, I'll say. Deven is feeling like new after his regurgitation, thank goodness. Hopefully just a 20 minute virus.

I sat down to check emails and found this amazing song waiting for me to listen to. Thanks, Rodger, for passing this along and reminding me of what I KNOW but don't always RELY ON--that God is always with us. And, if you're really lucky, you've got some amazing family and friends to count on, too. It's also a great theme song from parents to children. Any way you look at it...great, great, tune with a warm-fuzzy message.

Take a listen. And, have some tissues handy. You're bound to shed a few tears. Or cry buckets like I did.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

I Left My Heart in San Francisco

Well, not really. Because I never made it there to begin with. After all the hustle and bustle...after all the stress and errand-running...after all of the preparations made for the 3 little Indians...I'm still at home. And, NOT in San Francisco.

I got as far as the gate...breathing a huge sigh of relief at having accomplished my get-away in an unusually organized fashion. I was on time. My kids were well cared for. I even remembered to bring a birthday card for the Indian for tomorrow. I settled into the chair at the gate, latte in one hand, scrap booking magazine in the other...and waited for my section to be called for boarding. NOW my vacation was beginning.

And, then, the news. Snow and sleet in Dallas. All flights canceled, and would we please be so kind as to collect our luggage from the conveyor belts as soon as possible ? Here's a 1-800 number to call to make other arrangements. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Um, WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So, after having a mild meltdown at the gate (I am so completely exhausted), I collected myself long enough to dial the number. I (somewhat) patiently waited 30 minutes on hold, praying that my cell phone battery wouldn't die. Finally, I was set to go on the flight tomorrow...through L.A. At least my chances of spotting someone famous had now greatly increased.

I schlepped my way back to the car (it seemed like 100 miles with my luggage in tow) through sleet and freezing cold temps (have I mentioned it was 78 degrees yesterday?). My glasses (I was planning on sleeping on the plane and didn't want contacts sticking to my eyeballs) were covered in rain...therefore making it hard to find where I had parked exactly. I fell into the driver's seat after throwing my belongings in the trunk. Then, I closed the car door and SCREAMED! No lie. Not kidding.

After paying $6 for parking ("I'm sorry, mam, but we're not affiliated with the airport and it's not our fault your flight was cancelled..."), I took myself out to lunch to have a pity-party. Animesh called and we jointly decided it just wasn't worth it to come for such a short amount of time, especially with the time change this weekend AND the time difference in Cali. Thankfully, the miles used to buy my ticket were credited back to his account, and, just like that...I'm not going out of town this weekend.

Seriously bummed. But, after my lunch, mom called to say that she and dad would pick up kids from school and take them to swim lessons and dinner. Don't worry, she said. Take the rest of the day off.

Thank goodness for moms. And, for yummy lunches accompanied by chips and salsa.

This is my suitcase. It made it on the plane. I did not.

And, then, I went and did this since I'm going to miss that great spa day I had planned in San Fran tomorrow at the hotel. Boo hoo.

Afterwards, I decided to head home to unpack and unwind before my parents brought the 3 little Indians home. For me it had been quite a (disappointing) day. Mixed up a batch of this yummy stuff to enjoy while I wallowed in my self-pity (just kidding). Seriously, though, head to your nearest Williams-Sonoma to pick up a discounted bottle of this great mix. I'm not sure why it's discounted...does sangria mix expire and cause you to get deathly ill? If so--my dad and I are in some deep trouble.

Enjoy the matter what unexpected surprises come your way.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Way Back Wednesday (almost)

For those of you who can belt out the tune that goes with this groovy tee I found at rock. For those of you who are blankly staring at this picture with furrowed, confused brows--click here for a blast from the past. It's my theme song. For a good time call.

I'm posting this on Tuesday (voting) night because I know that tomorrow will bring no time for blogging. The last couple days have been filled with intense busyness and non-stop errand-running. The stress level is mounting considerably, and it's not because I'm worried who will win the Texas Primary tonight (although I'm very interested--this is going to be one heck of an election year).

The Indian is already out of town on business in San Francisco, and I'm flying out Thursday to meet him there for his birthday weekend. It's always hard to prepare for a trip, but it's especially all-consuming when I'm trying my darndest to make sure my kids have food in the house, clean clothes, prepared show-n-tell items, wrapped birthday presents to take to parties, etc. My parents are coming to care for the 3 little Indians, and, while they love their grandkids more than life itself, it won't be their mommy taking care of them. Yes, I have control issues. Especially with my littlest one pretty sick at the moment.

Pile on top of that PTO stuff to complete before I leave town, a doctor's appointment for Deven tomorrow, getting the dogs to the vet with their life-saving drugs, stock-piling the Indians' own allergy medicines, writing out explicit instructions per my mother's request...not to mention finishing my own laundry and actually packing a suitcase...well, you've got yourself one weary Honorary Indian.

So, if you're the praying kind, would you offer up a huge one for immense energy for my parents as they care for our babies? And, for our babies...that they would be safe and healthy? And, for me? That I would be able to relax and ENJOY?!


I hope to rejuvenate on the plane...just in time for a date with the Golden Gate Bridge Friday morning. And, a massage in the hotel spa Friday afternoon.

Hmmmm...I'm beginning to think all this stress will be worth it. I'll let you know.

Happy Hump Day!