Perfectly Unperfect--A Week of Worthiness

A couple of months ago I began to learn how to knit. Actually, my sweet neighbor had tried to teach me last year, but as soon as she left my house that afternoon I managed to screw up the scarf beyond repair (or so I thought), and so I promised myself I would never, ever try to knit again.

But in January another girlfriend began a knitting group...The Rip-It Sisters. I had no idea what that title had to do with knitting until I began to knit a project. Which ended up in me ripping it out a dozen times when my mistakes became too numerous to ignore. It's safe to say that I'm quite familiar with ripping out my knitting work....and I embody the "rip-it sisters" title to the fullest.

At one point, however, I became weary of trying to correct every little mistake. I was tired of finding someone to fix my blunders. I simply began to enjoy being in the zone...knitting my scarf with as much concentration and care as I could muster at a particular time (depending on the number of kid-related interruptions). Knitting finally became enjoyable to me once I stopped trying to make it absolutely perfect.

And once I finished my "scarf"...which ended up looking more like an apron or a cape by the time I was through with it...I actually loved what I had mistakenly created.




Deven loved it so much he asked me to tie strings on it so that he could wear it. My heart burst with love as he claimed my very imperfect project as his own.





Even if/when Deven abandons this piece of knitting disaster in the future, I plan on keeping it always. Framing it perhaps. Because to me it symbolizes what I am all about. Perfectly unperfect. Full of holes and flaws. Like the top of the cape, I am sometimes narrow (minded) in my thinking about me as a person. Like the bottom of the cape, my heart and mind are sometimes so open wide and full of love for myself and who I am. And sometimes I'm stuck right in the middle. Kind of liking who I am. Kind of being okay with my imperfections. But still wishing they would go away and that I could be perfect like other people seem to be.

This week I'm joining Brene Brown as she celebrates the release of her new DVD. I'm celebrating this Week of Worthiness. I'm going to celebrate myself and who I am, in spite of my imperfections, holes, and mess-ups. God knows I'm not perfect yet thinks of me as one of His most precious possessions. Why in the world would I want to argue with God about how He feels where I'm concerned?

I'm 40 years old now and still struggling with feeling as if I'm good enough. Good enough wife. Good enough mom. Good enough Christian. Good enough friend. Good enough Girl Scout leader. Good enough _____________!

Yep. Still working on feeling as if I am enough. Still working on feeling a sense of belonging in certain groups of people. But this week I'm going to be mindful of these wise and inspirational words from Brene:

"Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough.

It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging.

Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do."

I've begun a new knitting project. Priya requested a scarf. It's already got a pretty big hole in it...but I've discovered a way of embellishing so that the hole will be disguised.

And the best part about it? Priya won't even care about the hole.

So, why should I?