What Not to Wear

The other night I found myself channel surfing (not NEARLY enough time for me to do that these days...). I landed on TLC's program "What Not to Wear" and was instantly hooked.



Yes, I admit it. I love this show. Those two crack me up. I think it's entertaining and great fun to watch people transformed into hip, up-to-date versions of themselves. While the hosts can be sometimes crass, rude, and brutally honest (well, at least in their opinion), it seems as though Stacy and Clinton truly have the client's best interest at heart. And the best part is their emphasis that beauty, confidence, and style doesn't depend on the size of your waistline or the color of your hair. What I get from the show is that there is beauty in everyone.

Lately I've been doing a lot of soul-searching. It all began with my 2010 pick for "word of the year." Simplicity has been a running theme in my head since January began, but I must be truthful and tell you that life hasn't been simple. But I've realized that "simplicity" is really a state of mind...kind of like inner peace. Life circumstances may not be simple or peaceful (I mean, c'mon! Three kids, a dog, and a puppy? And that puppy who insists on confiscating our shoes every single morning so that we're late heading out the door? No. Not simple here. And definitely not peaceful!).

I've also been examining how I live my life as a role model to my children. Priya has been experiencing a situation at school where a little girl who was a supposed friend is now treating her in a not-so-nice manner. Priya doesn't understand it. I don't either. Especially since our daughter is so eager to be friends with everyone.

I told Priya that sometimes people change and that means the relationship might need to change, too. I told her that it hurts a lot when someone isn't caring and loving towards you anymore---for no apparent reason---but that we should still be caring and loving towards them because that's what God wants us to do.

Easier said than done, right?

But, what I unearthed in my self-discovery is that I often "wear" the ugly clothes of hurt, bitterness, and anger very visibly for all to see--especially when I feel as though someone has hurt me deeply. I don't always realize it, but my children see my reaction. They see everything and are so intuitive that if I'm not careful, my reactions will become their future reactions. So I decided to make a conscious effort to look upward towards the heavens when I'm hurting rather than downward in despair. It sure is harder to do, but it makes life so much more simple when I'm not harboring those negative feelings. I desire for my daughter to follow that example and not be so beaten down by others that her soul becomes hard and cold.

For me, simplicity begins and ends inside my heart and soul. I realized that the last few days I've been "wearing" a lot of bitterness, resentment, insecurity, hurt, and self-pity. Some of you may not know it from seeing me at school picking up kids because boy, can I paste on a great smile. But those who have been so (un)lucky to have been my confidants, well, you know the truth. The ugly truth.

It's comforting to know that we all struggle with these unbecoming garments...that we all "wear" them to some extent at one time or another in our lives.

But, boy, how unattractive it was to discover myself wearing them all at the same time. HELP! Stacy! Clinton! I need an intervention!

Just being funny here, because the real intervention needs to come from God working in me and through me....helping me to realize just how precious I am. Just how precious we ALL are. However, I need to desperately and intentionally seek Him in order to attain that affirmation. Because all the pats on the back and "atta-girls" from even my closest friends don't come close to how highly God esteems us.

Sure, it's important for us to be in relationships that are affirming, positive, authentic, and not superficial. But let's face it. We've all experienced a relationship at some point in our lives where the other person just stopped thinking that we are "all that and a bag of chips." And, boy, does it hurt like the dickens. Of course it's important for us to be in relationships that are affirming, positive, authentic, and not superficial. It's a huge reason we were put on this earth. For relationships! Priya's elementary school life-lesson is a perfect example. And Lord knows it can only get more painful the older we get.

Thankfully, God never lets us down like that. Not ever. I'm finally accepting that concept. I mean, really getting it. I've always known it. But letting it sink deep into my heart and take root is to feel a freedom to be the real me. It's a love that no one can take away from me. Not even those who drop me at the drop of a hat or say unkind things about me or to me.

After a great few days of bible study and the love of several amazing friends...one of whom sent me this song playing in the play list...I'm feeling liberated and ready for a makeover of sorts. (I hope you'll take the time to really listen to the lyrics...this song rocks!). Bitterness, resentment, insecurity, hurt, and self-pity are definitely things making the "what not to wear" list for me in order to achieve that simplicity and peace in my life I'm striving to attain by the grace of God. It's all there for the taking. All we have to do is ask Him.

It's not Spring yet, but today I've decided to begin the slow and deliberate process of cleaning out my mental and spiritual closets. I'm "letting go" of those garments that are unattractive and unbecoming. I'm "letting go" of them because God asks us to do so. I'm "letting go" in order to go shopping for more beautiful qualities that allow me to live my life to the fullest.

It'll be the best shopping spree ever since it won't cost me a dime out of our checking account.