Depleted

I am depleted. I am worn out. I am bone tired. I am exhausted to my very core.

Not just physically exhausted. Because that would be treatable. I could just go to sleep early and wake up in the morning refreshed and rarin' to go.

Worse...I am also emotionally whipped. I've been doin' the single parent thing since Animesh left yesterday morning for a business trip, and I'm already so mentally and physically stretched that I think I could just lose it at any minute.

He's not coming home till Saturday.

Today is the second day that we've had an after school activity. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal. Because normally I have some back-up help for baths, dinner, making lunches for the next day, reading stories, brushing teeth, picking out clothes, saying prayers, holding hands of scared children, tucking kids in, re-tucking kids in, middle-of-the-night bed shuffles due to scary dreams, waking reluctant kids up in the morning, packing lunches, making breakfast, asking kids to get dressed a million times, feeding dog, letting dog out before his aging body poops and/or pees on floor, brushing teeth before school, fighting to get kids buckled into their car seats, listening to fights in the back seat of the car, and driving to school at a hurried pace so as to avoid any tardies on the report card.

The past two days I've had one too many voyeuristic experiences while going to the bathroom and taking a shower. I've had one too many interruptions while I was talking on the phone. I've had one too many whines about what was being served for dinner. I've had one too many complaints about how fast dinner was not being cooked. I've had one too many reminders about things I hadn't done yet that I had said I would do. Eventually.

Even now, as I type and re-read this, it doesn't sound that bad. But, trust me. When you're in the throws of it...it feels bad. And I am feeling it.

I need a break. Desperately.

In the past I always thought that needing a break made me sound like a bad mom. In the past I always thought that needing a break sounded selfish. But, if I've learned anything from Brene, it's that I need time to re-fuel. Time to fill up. Time to rejuvenate and pump myself up with that which keeps me going and that which keeps me from running away for months on end. Me time.

I am trying to lean on my faith. I am trying to lean on my friends. But, in the end, it's only me that can carve out that time...time that will keep me sane. Time that will help put things into perspective and keep me from. losing. my. freaking. mind.

Can anyone relate???