Great Expectations

Deven James...2 days old on May 7, 2003

Most of the time this title is used when referring to a pregnant woman...she's "expecting" a child. Right from the start this sets moms up for years of stress and pressure. After the "expectant" mom brings the baby home, the expectations just keep on whirling around in her mind (at least they did for me). Oh, the dreams and aspirations we have for our kids? Will my child be a doctor or a flight attendant? Will he/she want to work in a high-powered business or at Walmart?

It's not enough that I have such high hopes and dreams for my children; then I did something crazy (but not unheard of) and formulated high hopes and dreams for myself as a mother...baking from scratch every single treat that is delivered to school, never letting laundry pile up, providing tasty, nutritious meals 3 times a day while teaching my children how to cook, taking the kids on educational outings every week, etc., etc., etc. My husband jokes (although I don't think he's joking...) that I don't meet him at the door with a glass of wine for him and the children dressed and the house picked up and the aroma of fresh, baked bread greeting his nostrils when he steps inside. I laugh hysterically at the thought now, but early on I thought this was an attainable goal.

I am well into the great book I mentioned a couple days ago, and I have found something to belly-laugh or sob about on each page. This book is about me, and I am so comforted knowing that I'm not alone. This hilarious piece of reading material is enlightening me to the fact that mothers put way too much pressure on themselves and that we sometimes have an unrealistic image of what a "good" mom is. We also secretly (or not so secretly) compare ourselves to other moms who seem to "have it all together."

And, while most don't admit it, a lot of times we feel alone. And, let's not even start DISCUSSING the guilt. It can be oppressive.

I've decided that I'm going to formulate some new indicators that reveal how good a mother I am. Things like how much my kids laugh, love, and play, & respect others--which, thankfully, are already quite a bit. It doesn't mean I still won't lose it on occasion or want to run away some days. It will probably be a LOOOONNG process, but losing the urge to be the kind of mom everyone else SEEMS to be is going to be such weight lifted off. Thank goodness, because I am always trying to shed a few extra pounds.