Back in the Saddle Again

This morning I got on my bike after a nearly 2-year hiatus.  It felt awesome.  I rode those 14 miles exerting a ton of effort...I huffed and puffed more than I remember doing in the past...but it was an exhilarating feeling to be riding....to be doing something I love but that I had let slide.  Even when the bug flew into my mouth at 25 mph...I was lovin' it.

The last year has been a challenging one.  40 was difficult.  41 didn't start out so great, either.  But, I'm feeling a turn-around...in both my health and my attitude.  I feel as if I'm back in the saddle again in many ways, and I like it.  I like it a lot.

For starters, I'm a working girl now.  It's only part-time.  And it's an interim position.  But I think it's cool that I am employed some place that values family first.  And that they're letting me try the job on for size to see if it fits in with my life.  I love having a place to go to focus on something other than laundry and groceries.  And I love being able to leave that place in time to pick up my kids from school.

I've learned to let go.  Of potentially harmful relationships.  Of my need to be in control.  Of responsibilities that I no longer feel called to be a part of.  I'm trying to focus on doing a few things really well rather than a ton of things half-way.  It's completely liberating.

I'm making time for those things I love to do rather than things I have to do.  I'm going to bike more.  Craft more.  Play guitar more.  Spend time with friends more.  BLOG more.

I've made new friends.  Unexpected friendships have developed in the least likely places.  And it's the real deal friendships with people I feel so completely at ease wtih and who love me as I am.  I love that.

I've learned how to work through difficulties with those I love in a more healthy way.  If the relationship matters, than it's worth fighting for.  Besides, those rough patches can only serve to strengthen the bond if they're addressed with love.

I've stopped trying to be someone I'm not or live up to others' expectations.  It's so much easier to be myself.  Who else is better qualified?

My ride this morning punctuated a 2-week-long uphill swing for me.  I'm feeling stronger.  Empowered.  More clear-headed (hopefully).  More joyful.  And ready to take on not FOUR triathlons that I had so ambitiously claimed I would do...but maybe just one.

Will there be hard days?  No doubt.  Will I still struggle, doubt, question, cry, and lose my temper?  Absolutely.  Because I'm human, and I'm a chick.  But I'm hopeful that the way I'm feeling now will enable me to deal with life's stuff with more patience, grace, love, and forgiveness.

That is my prayer.