Courage: 2012 Word of the Year

As a kid I didn't consider myself to be very brave.  I thought myself to be a bit reserved--always the one following the rules and playing it safe.  I never pushed myself, especially where academics were concerned.  I walked a (fairly) straight line and wasn't an overachiever.  I was deeply concerned with how people saw me and what their perceptions of me might be.  You might say I was obsessed with this.

Looking back on my adult life, however, I can recall events where courage emerged from me when I least expected it to.  In my 20s I found myself brave enough to break off a wedding engagement when I came to the realization that he wasn't "the one."  I then married a man whose culture is quite different from mine. In my 30s I went back to school to finish my nursing degree, I underwent infertility treatments, and I gave birth to 3 children in 5 1/2 years.  I also did 4 triathlons and a half marathon.  When I turned 40, I felt my insecurities subsiding even more, and I was filled with greater courage to just be myself, no matter now goofy or ditzy that may look at times.  I also found the courage to laugh at myself.  Often.

Last year God called me to a ministry in the church as the Christian Education Director.  It's been almost 12 months since I first sat in that office, stared at the walls, and said, "Now what?"  The last 11 months have been peppered with many soul-filling highs and several gut-wrenching lows since that first day in March, and as I look forward to celebrating my first year "on-the-job," I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the courage God has gifted me with to not only accept the position, but to keep on keepin' on in spite of the stumbles and challenges.  Isn't that what Jesus did in his ministry?

Our bible study group has been studying "The Purpose Driven Life."  It occurred to me during our most recent discussion that sometimes when searching for our purpose, we will need to be courageous for we have no idea where God will lead us when we ask Him that question, "What am I here for?"  He could lead us on a completely different path than the one we are currently on...a path that is new, untraveled, and scary.  That's where the courage comes in.

What have I learned about courage over the course of my life?  For some of us, being courageous takes...well...courage!  I believe that some people emerge from the womb without a fearful bone in their body.  I have a friend like this, and I am in awe of her boldness, her focus, and her ability to "go for it" in all aspects of her life.  Then there are others who often wake up in the morning needing to make the conscious effort to step out of the boat, take that leap of faith, and stand firm in whom and what they believe in, either because of circumstances that God has put in their lives or simply because of how God has made them.

While I'm delighted to see my courage level rising over the last few years, I still see myself as someone who needs a constant reminder to be courageous.  As a wife.  As a mom.  As a Christian Education Director.  As a sister and daughter.  As a friend.  That is why "courage" is my mantra this year, and Joshua 1:9 is my new life verse (the verse is in the sidebar).   Because who am I not to be courageous since it is what my God has commanded of me?

And believe me when I tell you that I am clinging to the fact that courage doesn't always equal success.  Sometimes courage just means taking a deep breath and going for it.  We may fall flat on our face.  It could turn out disastrously.  But if I believe I'm being guided by the Holy Spirit make a change or do something bold, then He will honor that no matter what the outcome.  Thank God we aren't called to be successful.  We are called to be faithful.

“Courage does not always roar. 

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice 

at the end of the day saying, 

'I will try again tomorrow.”

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Footloose

I cannot believe it's been about 5 months since the last post on this blog.  There's just so much to tell that I don't know where to begin.  Really, I just don't know where to start.  The new (but not anymore) puppies?  The growth (both physical and maturity) of our kids?  The struggles-yet-intense-JOY of my new job at the church (but it's not really new because it's almost been a YEAR!)?  The profound peace-yet-disorganization that is our family's life?

Yeah, I don't have that much time.

So for now, I'll just start with last night...Sunday night.  Our pool has been completed since Christmas Eve, and the kids wanted to play in the water as the January evening was a balmy 65 degrees.  My first inclination was to say, "NO!  Go shower and get ready for bed before Dad's done with the burgers on the grill!"  Didn't they know it was a school night?  Didn't they know that bedtime was looming and that they needed to be asleep at a decent hour to ensure an easy morning for both them and for Mom?  Didn't they know that this would mean more laundry piles for me?

But, for some crazy reason (perhaps it was our pastor's sermon about keeping the Sabboth holy and not working on Sundays) I gave them the "thumbs up."  It started with the kids wading in the pool.  That turned into a full-fledged swim in their jammies.  The puppies joined in the fun and waded into the pool....only to race around the ungrassy yard in the dirt...necessitating a deep-cleaning for the both of them.  The kids ended up dining pool-side--soaking wet and shivering cold.....and declaring last night one of the "best nights ever."

Sometimes cutting loose and letting the rules bend just a tad is all it takes to make an ordinary night an extraordinary night.  Sans any electrical gadgets.

I need to remember to do that more often.  Here's to a year full of "footloose" moments and memories.

Firsts

So many times in our lives the momentous occasions are those that happened for the first time.  I remember clearly my first overnight away from home (it was a 2-week Girl Scout camp when I was 10).  I remember my first kiss....my first real heartbreak...the first time I drove a car alone...my first job...and so on and so on and so on.  Those firsts are forever imprinted in my brain and in my heart...and God has undoubtedly used them to shape me into the person I am today.

Yesterday commemorated another first.  It was the first time my children experienced their first day of school as a 1st/3rd/4th grader.  The night before there was some significant nervousness and reluctance in returning back to school, and those feelings lingered as I walked them to their respective classrooms yesterday.  By the grace of God, however, they each reported to me that the first day of school "rocked." 

The firsts that the 3 little Indians experienced yesterday did not go unnoticed by me.  As I sent them off to begin a new school year I was reminded that if we live an adult life that honors God, we should experience many firsts just like our children as we travel on our faith journey.  These firsts are imperative if we are to grow.

I experienced my own first this past weekend...putting myself out there in a way that made me feel uncomfortable, uncertain, and downright sick to my stomach.  It was a task necessary for me to accomplish in relation to my new church calling...but it was definitely NOT something I was looking forward to.  Just hours before it began I prayed to God to fill me with peace during this event.  He did exactly that.  God removed my fears and anxieties, and the gathering of believers proved to be more powerful than I could have ever anticipated.  The Holy Spirit showed up.  In a big way.  And it was amazing.

I recently read a wonderful book about teaching and learning.  This book uses the analogy that we are like rubber bands.  When a rubber band is stretched, it never fully returns to its original shape.  That rubber band is never the same.  The same goes for us.  Once we learn or do something for the first time...especially if it glorifies God... we are never the same.  We are forever changed.

And, that's exactly what a life of faith is all about.

Amen

Source: etsy.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Back in the Saddle Again

This morning I got on my bike after a nearly 2-year hiatus.  It felt awesome.  I rode those 14 miles exerting a ton of effort...I huffed and puffed more than I remember doing in the past...but it was an exhilarating feeling to be riding....to be doing something I love but that I had let slide.  Even when the bug flew into my mouth at 25 mph...I was lovin' it.

The last year has been a challenging one.  40 was difficult.  41 didn't start out so great, either.  But, I'm feeling a turn-around...in both my health and my attitude.  I feel as if I'm back in the saddle again in many ways, and I like it.  I like it a lot.

For starters, I'm a working girl now.  It's only part-time.  And it's an interim position.  But I think it's cool that I am employed some place that values family first.  And that they're letting me try the job on for size to see if it fits in with my life.  I love having a place to go to focus on something other than laundry and groceries.  And I love being able to leave that place in time to pick up my kids from school.

I've learned to let go.  Of potentially harmful relationships.  Of my need to be in control.  Of responsibilities that I no longer feel called to be a part of.  I'm trying to focus on doing a few things really well rather than a ton of things half-way.  It's completely liberating.

I'm making time for those things I love to do rather than things I have to do.  I'm going to bike more.  Craft more.  Play guitar more.  Spend time with friends more.  BLOG more.

I've made new friends.  Unexpected friendships have developed in the least likely places.  And it's the real deal friendships with people I feel so completely at ease wtih and who love me as I am.  I love that.

I've learned how to work through difficulties with those I love in a more healthy way.  If the relationship matters, than it's worth fighting for.  Besides, those rough patches can only serve to strengthen the bond if they're addressed with love.

I've stopped trying to be someone I'm not or live up to others' expectations.  It's so much easier to be myself.  Who else is better qualified?

My ride this morning punctuated a 2-week-long uphill swing for me.  I'm feeling stronger.  Empowered.  More clear-headed (hopefully).  More joyful.  And ready to take on not FOUR triathlons that I had so ambitiously claimed I would do...but maybe just one.

Will there be hard days?  No doubt.  Will I still struggle, doubt, question, cry, and lose my temper?  Absolutely.  Because I'm human, and I'm a chick.  But I'm hopeful that the way I'm feeling now will enable me to deal with life's stuff with more patience, grace, love, and forgiveness.

That is my prayer.

February 17th: I Love.....

...birthdays.

It doesn't matter whose.  

Anybody's birthday is cause for celebration in my book.

Today happens to be my birthday.  

41.  

I'm officially...in my 40s.

I had fun plans in store.
Really fun.

But, as life would have it...

those plans have changed.

Obligations have come up.

I was pretty bummed about it.

Honestly?  I still am.

I bought myself some tulips in an 

attempt to lift my spirits.

They worked a little.

And music from
Jason Mraz always makes me
so happy.
Lately I can't get enough of his songs.

Bottom line?

I'm super-blessed.  

And anything I spend doing on my birthday

is to be treasured.

I'll be repeating that to myself today.

Thank you, God, for giving me 

another year to celebrate.

And for giving me the 

hope and courage

to stretch my wings a bit 

as my 41st year takes flight.

Change is definitely in the air.

And it feels good.

February 14th: I Love....

...my Valentines.  

My heart swells with love for them.  

And I'm joining Brene and others as we strive to be
extra-generous...
extra-kind...
extra-loving
this Valentine's week.

 

Who knows?  Maybe it'll be habit-forming.
World-changing.
At least in someone's world.

February 10th: I Love....

...powerful quotes.   

Like this one I stumbled upon the other day.

"Courage doesn't always roar.  

Sometimes courage is the little voice 

at the end of the day that says 

I'll try again tomorrow." 

~Mary Anne Radmacher

February 5th: I Love....

.....Texas.

This video says it all.  

My fellow Texans will totally get it.

Think you might see this if you
watch the Superbowl
(which is in Dallas, TEXAS) tomorrow.

Yee Haw.

February 4th: I Love.....

....snow!

I can say that I love snow since I'm not knee deep in it.

I can say that I love snow since I don't have to shovel it
on a regular basis.

I can say that I love snow since I'm not stuck at home 

with the kids after consecutive snow days in a row...

pulling my hair out and going stir-crazy.

Last night brought us only a light dusting...

pretty much what you would expect as far as 

snowfall in South Texas.

But it was just enough.

The pups loved it.

 

So did the kids.






Here is an example of what can happen

when you let your sister dress you.

An attempt at throwing a snowball.

Deven's goggle mark.  

 

Which morphed into a happy snow face.

After awhile...we had had enough fun for the time being.  

It was time to go inside and thaw out...

which is only possible with hot chocolate, I'm told.

Apparently this light dusting of snow covered 

significant ice patches on the rode...

hence, our SNOW DAY---staying home from school.

So far I've had to break up 4 fights 

and put 1 kid in a time-out.  

It's only 10am.

Think it might be a long day.

Thankfully, we're thawing out tomorrow.  Sunny and 65.

Unpredictable, ever-changing Texas weather at its best.

February 3rd: I Love....

...mornings.

And I think I always have.  Just ask my family and peeps...I'm a self-proclaimed "annoyingly cheerful morning person." 

Call me crazy (and I have plenty of friends out there who will), but I love waking up.  I love that first cup of coffee.  I love how excited the puppies are when I greet them and scoop them up out of their kennel.  I love putting the pups on the kids' beds...watching their little tongues kiss the children to a full state of wakefulness.  I love breakfast foods. 

Now there are some in my family (Animesh & Priya to be specific) who do not feel as I do about mornings.  In fact, where those two are concerned, the word grumpy comes to mind.  And they freely admit that so I can blog this without guilt.

But the boys and I are early-birds.  Catching the proverbial worm at sunrise.

Just don't expect me to answer the phone past 9:00pm.  I'll be asleep by then.

February 1st: I Love...

...this quote on Brene's blog.  

Thanks, Brene, for sharing this.   

How powerfully this captures what it means to

love deeply and completely....

and vulnerably.

Last February I was inspired by a friend to 

share month-long blog posts 

capturing people & places & things that I love.

This February I'm hoping 

to do the same.

And I'm also hoping that you'll be back to visit...

and also to share some of those people & places & things 

that you love.

The Last 34 Days

I can't be sure, but this might be my longest blogging dry spell yet.  I've thought about posting something here and there, but the inspiration never sticks around for too long.  The lack of blogging certainly has nothing to do with the lack of activity around these parts.  Because there has been lots of activity.  Let me see what memories I can extract from my nearly 41-year old brain....

In the last 34 days:

...we celebrated the birth of our Christ and rung in 2011 with sweet friends.  

...we have had more jammie days than I can count thanks to Christmas holidays and 4-day weekends (yes, we've already had a 4 day weekend).

...as a result of those jammie days each member of the family has perfected a Wii sport.  Daddy, golf.  Deven, basketball.  Priya, sword fighting.  Trevor, baseball.  And me?  Well, archery, of course. 

...I have knit 5 scarves from start to finish.  Priya has knit 2.

...I have NOT taken my Christmas tree down.  :) 

...Deven turned into a mean Scrabble opponent.

...Daddy cleaned out the garage.  Amen.  And amen.

...the kids and I have watched our new favorite movie, "Despicable Me," so many times ("oh yeah!") that we can quote entire scenes at the dinner table.  Driving Daddy absolutely insane ("not cool.")  Maybe Daddy will have a brilliant idea ("light bulb") and hide the movie from us.  Because we are out of control ("booyah!").

...I've cooked more meals at home.

...I've spent more days at home while the kids are in school.  Getting things accomplished.

...I joined the gym again.  Because after a triathlon-drought last year, there are races to be raced in this year.  I'm aiming for 4.

...my hair has finally grown out enough to be put in a pony-tail--albeit a messy one at that.  Pony-tails are saving me from whacking it all off (again).   Yea!

...we have cheered on our San Antonio Spurs at many games as they work to win another championship!  GO SPURS GO!

...we have cheered on Deven as he began his basketball season.  Number 8.  The age he turns in May.  I think I am going to cry.

...our family grew by 8 feet.  Meet Linus & Lucy...our little brother & sister Shih-poos.  They are precious.  They keep us on our toes.  But they sure do bring a whole lotta love to our family.

They joined our family December 24th, and the kids have been on cloud 9 ever since.  They love to keep each other company and don't annoy big beagle brother Spridle.  Too much.

Basically, the last 34 days I have made a concerted effort to focus on my 2011 Word of the Year:  Peace.  Like the quote says above in the margin...peace doesn't mean that my life...our lives...will always be quiet or calm or organized or easy.  Peace means to be in the middle of the craziness...and still be quiet and calm in my heart.  Knowing that it's all good in the 'hood.

Because it really is.

Christmas Reflections

I took this picture the other night...captivated by the reflection of the tree in the window.  I loved the imagery...especially since I've been so reflective lately.

This time of year can be so magical.  The children's excitement and wonder are contagious.  The decorations and lights remind us of this special month.  The reason for the season can inspire us to grow closer with God and journey further into relationship with Him.  But for some, this time of year can be hard.  Really hard. 

The last few days my mind has been filled with thoughts and prayers for friends who, during this holiday season, are struggling in relationships, praying loved ones through surgeries and illnesses, and mourning the loss of loved ones or the loss of relationships that once brought them joy.

And, if all of that isn't enough,  a tragedy occurred yesterday...something so incredibly sad that caused me to pause in the middle of my crazy, running-out-of-control day to hug my children a little tighter and to tell my husband just how much I love him and appreciate him.

The tragedy didn't affect our family directly.  But it was someone Animesh and I both knew.  And the story that surrounds this situation is heart-breaking.  Out of respect for this family I won't share details.  Let's just say that it is so very, very sad.

I write all of this not to be a "debbie-downer" at Christmastime but out of my belief that we experience difficulties and tragedies occur for reasons we may or may not understand on earth.  Personally, I believe that God has opened my eyes to these situations in order that I may cling to Him more tightly and worship Him more as I stand firm in my belief that He is the One True God who reigns over all the earth....even during difficult times.

Emmanuel.  God is with us.  No matter what.

And THAT is a Christmas message to be joyful about.

12 Days of Christmas


It's party day today...and one last 1/2 day tomorrow before the break.
YES!



And we're ready for the holidays...complete with mild, comfortable
temperatures.
Yes, Christmastime in Texas suits me just fine.

Christmastime in Texas

 

My favorite lines in the song:

"There may not be snow...

in San Antonio...

but it's a Texas Christmas

to me!"

It was a....

....hot chocolate drinking....

....gingerbread house making....

 

....Christmas parade float riding kind of weekend.

Loved it all.  But I'm now ready to
get some things accomplished.

And since I'm thinking I might be tied up for a bit...
it might be awhile till I post on the ole' blog.

Meanwhile, you can visit me here if you'd like.  

Since they say that a picture is worth a thousand words, right?

Who is "they," anyway?

I discovered Posterous awhile back.

It just took me awhile to figure it all out.
It's so easy!

And it's a fun way to post via my phone.....
anytime!

Which is handy for me since I'm almost never home.

Speaking of never being home...
it's time for me to jet off again.
The to-do list is long.
But, as my friend's husband reminded her
when she was stressed about her to-do list....
it's all fun stuff!
Good stuff!
Festive stuff!
I just need to take a deep breath...slowly...
and remember that it'll all get done.

Eventually.

30 Days of Gratitude: Days 22-30

Wow.  I really fell behind the 8-ball with my gratitude posts.  But it's not for lack of being thankful, that's for sure.  Our Thanksgiving weekend was packed full of reasons to be grateful.  Family.  Food.  Friends.  More food.  Our health.  Laughter.  Even more food.  A chance to relax.  No alarm clocks to set.  No place we had to be.

I didn't want the weekend to end.

We started off our holiday week by making our traditional "Thankful Tree."  It's going to stay up till next year to remind us that Thanksgiving isn't just in November.  It should be every day.  Even when we have to dig deep on those days when we're feeling not-so-grateful.

We enjoyed a lovely holiday meal with my parents at our house (I don't have any pictures...I was too busy being sous chef for Animesh...he cooked a fabulous meal, but I can see why chefs have a very stressful job!  I was exhausted!).

Saturday we drove into downtown San Antonio to enjoy the Christmas lights on the Riverwalk...and dinner at one of our favorite restaurants on the river.

After dinner we stopped by the Alamo for the traditional tourist photo op.  The Alamo is so pretty all lit up at night.  Remember the Alamo.

 

In front of the Alamo stands the city's beautiful Christmas tree with, as Deven put it, "the most gigantic ornaments I've ever seen!"

We ended our fun evening with a horse-drawn carriage ride through downtown San Antonio.  

Priya was in heaven during the carriage ride.  It made the whole evening for her.

And it wouldn't be a true family outing without Deven getting so cold that he had to borrow Daddy's jacket.  It was actually only about 55 degrees, but this kid is always cold.

Of course Trevor sacked out the minute the car started rolling.  Precious....

Next up?  We are anxiously awaiting the arrival of Fred...our Elf on the Shelf.  He's due to make landfall somewhere in our house tomorrow so he can keep track of the naughty-ness and the nice-ness and report it all back to Santa each night while we sleep.

And Saturday we are riding on our church Christmas float in the Boerne Weihnacht's Christmas Parade on Main Street!  Come on out and see us...and welcome December!

30 Days of Gratitude: Days 19-21

We had a busy, full weekend.  Thursday evening was the 3rd Grade Family Fun night, and the moms who planned this event did a great job focusing on "giving" and "community."

 



The 3rd graders made place mats for a nursing home, and they also brought canned goods to be donated to Hill Country Daily Bread....such a tremendous ministry located in our own charming town.








Friday after school we delivered the goods to the nursing home and to Daily Bread.

And Sunday morning our Girl Scout troop (along with my boys and hundreds of other Daily Bread volunteers) helped sort food and pack Thanksgiving boxes for those in need in our community.




It was a great weekend of giving.  And it reminded me how grateful I am for food and shelter and clothing.  Blessings we often take for granted.  Especially as we plan for our feast on Thursday.

We spent Sunday evening at church decorating for Christmas.  Afterwards there was no shortage of yummy food to eat as we enjoyed one another's company and sang Christmas carols.  It was after a rousing rendition of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" that it hit me just how close we are to Christmas.

It'll be here before we know it.

30 Days of Gratitude: Days 17 & 18

It's been a really rough couple of days.  Today I'm so grateful for the little things that have helped boost my spirits.



Monday I took my friend to the charming town of Fredericksburg for her birthday celebration.  We started this tradition last year...and it was so much fun we decided to do it again.  This trip I remembered to bring my growler.  Had it filled with my favorite brewsky at our favorite lunch spot.  Tuesday and Wednesday evenings I enjoyed this beverage oh-so-much.

Speaking of Tuesday...I'm  usually ready for bed by 8:30pm, but I stuck it out for a guitar lesson.  I'm so thankful I did, because Richard always makes me laugh.  I'm learning fun songs (see playlist), and the "jam session" (I've always wanted to say that...) was a real mood pick-me-upper.

Yesterday we drove past our old house in San Antonio located very centrally but in the midst of a swirl of traffic and noise.  For the first time in 6 1/2 years I didn't miss our old home.  I am happy to be exactly where I am.  Centipedes, scorpions, armadillos, and all.  Today I got to enjoy actually being at home--a rare occurrence in my crazy busy life.  I had the pleasure of enjoying a very quiet lunch on my very quiet back patio.  Enjoying this view on a 60 degree day.

Making myself write these gratitude posts has been therapeautic...especially on days when I least feel like expressing thanks.

Things are starting to look up.